Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Dont Mess with me today

To a fault, I hold my tongue.  I am passive aggressive on occasion, because it pains me to actually express my feelings. When asked to do something that I really don't want to do, but will do to please everyone else, I answer with a stern, "that is fine".. Brock really loves it when I say that.  OR without even knowing it, I sigh deeply in disapproval.  Often, when really upset, I shut down completely.  I will show them, I just won't talk to them for a couple of days... 

Do you know what the danger to all of this is?  One day, every few years you have a vomit at the mouth day.  Along the road you have held it in just one too many times.  Your sighs are becoming more like breathing techniques, and you have isolated everyone.  And one fatal day, it just happens.

You blow up.

Yep, that happened to me today.

Usually there are regular triggers that cause these.  For some it could be financial issues.  For others it could be work, or children.  And in some rare cases it could be irritating little brothers that cannot for the life of them get their act together. 

Can you guess what my trigger is?

There is also someone who usually takes the brunt of the blow up.  In many cases it is the significant other.  Yet,  maybe it is a best friend.  And in other more unlikely scenarios it could be the irritating little brother that, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, cannot get his life straight.

Yep, bad day to mess with Sis.

My more rational, intellectual brother says that I am the insane one because I keep expecting different results.  When the same thing keeps happening over and over and over again yet I keep getting angrier and angrier and angrier, then really I am the fool.  I agree.  No doubt about it, I am the true definition of MORON.

I will spare the details of what happened today or what he does that sends me off my rocker. I love my baby brother very much and for that I will protect him.  But years of my being passive aggressive and silent did not serve him well today. 

The topper of my day was the text I received from his landlord today, of whom I have never met or shared a conversation /text with before.  It read:" Your brother lives with me and my husband.  You have the wrong impression of him and it is killing him."
My response was as follows..."I have known and loved my brother for 37 years.  I don't have impressions, I have truths... unless an emergency, do not contact me again."

THE WHOLE TIME IT WAS JUST THAT I HAD THE WRONG IMPRESSION.  MAN, THAT WAS SIMPLE...

As I reread, and realize that this whole entry is a case of vomiting at the mouth, cut me some slack.  It only happens every few years...

2 comments:

  1. There is nothing else in the world than family that can, simultaneously, make you feel more loved and more alone at the same time. Girl- we need a girls' weekend sometime....we could share some history. Sharing, I've found, the most healing way to go on (just ask Laura Mae)
    You're family of origin is important, but not nearly as important as YOUR family. That's where your focus needs to be...without question!
    xoxoxo
    Jennifer

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  2. mercy, grace, tough love, mercy, grace, tough love, where to go, where do they fit in, which to show...can tough love be the true responses of mercy and grace? Can truly loving your brother/neighbor as yourself be showing him/them the true love of Christ when that love is TOUGH? i would say yes...stay on your knees and He will show you how to love your brother in the best way that will lead him to the Cross.
    blessings always from one who loves you! c

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